The Love Affair is Still Alive, or It Never Ended

In a response to the Patricia Hamill commentsm MaryEllen O'Brien writes: "I just had a comment in response to Patricia Hamill's take on your article on Heloise and Abelard.

"I think she does a terrible disservice to the couple in projecting post-modern sensibilities onto their relationship—-and in so doing, perverting their love with contemporary issues. It is true that this was a partriarchal tragedy in one sense, but it most definitely and unreservedly was also a love story of immense proportions. Were it not so, it would not still be speaking to us centuries later with its love and pathos.

"I think if Heloise were to read Patricia's response, she would be horrified at the inability to recognize the love story. Passion is always greatest when there are obstacles—-all the great love stories that capture us have this characteristic. Heloise was perfectly well aware of Abelard's shortcomings and escape into the cloister--and she continued to press him to do right by her with their relationship. They lived in the 12th century--we can't impose our reality on them; rather we can join them in their love, sorrow and joy; walk with them--not beat either one of them up.

"At that time the Church was all institution and control, and the sense we have in the Church today of being the People of God and of ownership of our own church did not exist. The institution preferred a maimed Abelard to a married one, a eunuch for the Church, and thought nothing of the fate of Heloise or their child. The institution owned Abelard. That is a tragedy, but it does not make 'not a love story.' It is a love story smashing up against the asexual institution. It obviously caused a crack in the wall! It has echoes of Saint Augustine's bowing to societal and church pressure and abandoning his love, whom he describes as being ripped from his side in the 'Confessions.' And yet, he went along with it. They too had a child, though he was involved in his son's life. We hear the male side of the struggle in 'Confessions,' he really did love her, and no one can say this was not a love story either. Does Ms. Hamill think it's only a love story if there's a happy ending? Marriage, dual career and 2.2 kids?

"Enough demands were made on these two by other people in their own time, they do not need the demands of a contemporary feminist judgment disturbing their final peace. That is anachronistic.

"Let's celebrate Heloise's immense and indestructible love, it's rare enough — this was one of history's great loves!"



This response was written by MaryEllen O'Brien, M.A. (Ph.D. candidate). This response is reprinted, with permission from MaryEllen O'Brien.