Read the collected works of Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens).
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Christian
Science
by Mark Twain
a.k.a. Samuel Clemens
(1835-1910)
Preface
| Book 1: 1 | 2
| 3 | 4
| 5 | 6
| 7 | 8
| 9 | Book 2: 1
| 2 | 3
| 4 | 5
| 6 | 7
| 8 | 9
| 10 | 11
| 12 | 13
| 14 | 15
| Appendix A | Appendix
B | Appendix C | Appendix
D | Appendix E | Appendix
F | Conclusion
BOOK II
"There were remarkable things about the stranger called
the Man--Mystery- things so very extraordinary that they monopolized attention
and made all of him seem extraordinary; but this was not so, the most of his
qualities being of the common, every-day size and like anybody else's. It was
curious. He was of the ordinary stature, and had the ordinary aspects; yet in
him were hidden such strange contradictions and disproportions! He was majestically
fearless and heroic; he had the strength of thirty men and the daring of thirty
thousand; handling armies, organizing states, administering governments--these
were pastimes to him; he publicly and ostentatiously accepted the human race
at its own valuation- -as demigods--and privately and successfully dealt with
it at quite another and juster valuation--as children and slaves; his ambitions
were stupendous, and his dreams had no commerce with the humble plain, but moved
with the cloud-rack among the snow-summits. These features of him were, indeed,
extraordinary, but the rest of him was ordinary and usual. He was so mean-minded,
in the matter of jealousy, that it was thought he was descended from a god;
he was vain in little ways, and had a pride in trivialities; he doted on ballads
about moonshine and bruised hearts; in education he was deficient, he was indifferent
to literature, and knew nothing of art; he was dumb upon all subjects but one,
indifferent to all except that one--the Nebular Theory. Upon that one his flow
of words was full and free, he was a geyser. The official astronomers disputed
his facts and deeded his views, and said that he had invented both, they not
being findable in any of the books. But many of the laity, who wanted their
nebulosities fresh, admired his doctrine and adopted it, and it attained to
great prosperity in spite of the hostility of the experts." --The Legend
of the Man-Mystery, ch. i.
CHAPTER
I
JANUARY, 1903. When we do not know a public man personally,
we guess him out by the facts of his career. When it is Washington, we all arrive
at about one and the same result. We agree that his words and his acts clearly
interpret his character to us, and that they never leave us in doubt as to the
motives whence the words and acts proceeded. It is the same with Joan of Arc,
it is the same with two or three or five or six others among the immortals.
But in the matter of motives and of a few details of character we agree to disagree
upon Napoleon, Cromwell, and all the rest; and to this list we must add Mrs.
Eddy. I think we can peacefully agree as to two or three extraordinary features
of her make- up, but not upon the other features of it. We cannot peacefully
agree as to her motives, therefore her character must remain crooked to some
of us and straight to the others.
No matter, she is interesting enough without an amicable agreement.
In several ways she is the most interesting woman that ever lived, and the most
extraordinary. The same may be said of her career, and the same may be said
of its chief result. She started from nothing. Her enemies charge that she surreptitiously
took from Quimby a peculiar system of healing which was mind-cure with a Biblical
basis. She and her friends deny that she took anything from him. This is a matter
which we can discuss by-and-by. Whether she took it or invented it, it was--
materially--a sawdust mine when she got it, and she has turned it into a Klondike;
its spiritual dock had next to no custom, if any at all: from it she has launched
a world-religion which has now six hundred and sixty- three churches, and she
charters a new one every four days. When we do not know a person--and also when
we do--we have to judge his size by the size and nature of his achievements,
as compared with the achievements of others in his special line of business--there
is no other way. Measured by this standard, it is thirteen hundred years since
the world has produced any one who could reach up to Mrs. Eddy's waistbelt.
Figuratively speaking, Mrs. Eddy is already as tall as the Eiffel
tower. She is adding surprisingly to her stature every day. It is quite within
the probabilities that a century hence she will be the most imposing figure
that has cast its shadow across the globe since the inauguration of our era.
I grant that after saying these strong things, it is necessary that I offer
some details calculated to satisfactorily demonstrate the proportions which
I have claimed for her. I will do that presently; but before exhibiting the
matured sequoia gigantea, I believe it will be best to exhibit the sprout from
which it sprang. It may save the reader from making miscalculations. The person
who imagines that a Big Tree sprout is bigger than other kinds of sprouts is
quite mistaken. It is the ordinary thing; it makes no show, it compels no notice,
it hasn't a detectible quality in it that entitles it to attention, or suggests
the future giant its sap is suckling. That is the kind of sprout Mrs. Eddy was.
From her childhood days up to where she was running a half-century
a close race and gaining on it, she was most humanly commonplace.
She is the witness I am drawing this from. She has revealed
it in her autobiography not intentionally, of course--I am not claiming that.
An autobiography is the most treacherous thing there is. It lets out every secret
its author is trying to keep; it lets the truth shine unobstructed through every
harmless little deception he tries to play; it pitilessly exposes him as a tin
hero worshipping himself as Big Metal every time he tries to do the modest-unconsciousness
act before the reader. This is not guessing; I am speaking from autobiographical
personal experience; I was never able to refrain from mentioning, with a studied
casualness that could deceive none but the most incautious reader, that an ancestor
of mine was sent ambassador to Spain by Charles I., nor that in a remote branch
of my family there exists a claimant to an earldom, nor that an uncle of mine
used to own a dog that was descended from the dog that was in the Ark; and at
the same time I was never able to persuade myself to call a gibbet by its right
name when accounting for other ancestors of mine, but always spoke of it as
the "platform"--puerilely intimating that they were out lecturing
when it happened.
It is Mrs. Eddy over again. As regards her minor half, she is
as commonplace as the rest of us. Vain of trivial things all the first half
of her life, and still vain of them at seventy and recording them with naive
satisfaction--even rescuing some early rhymes of hers of the sort that we all
scribble in the innocent days of our youth--rescuing them and printing them
without pity or apology, just as the weakest and commonest of us do in our gray
age. More--she still frankly admires them; and in her introduction of them profanely
confers upon them the holy name of "poetry." Sample:
"And laud
the land whose talents rock
The cradle of her power,
And wreaths are twined round
Plymouth Rock
From erudition's bower."
"Minerva's silver sandals still Are loosed and not effete."
You note it is not a shade above the thing which all human beings
churn out in their youth.
You would not think that in a little wee primer--for that is
what the Autobiography is--a person with a tumultuous career of seventy years
behind her could find room for two or three pages of padding of this kind, but
such is the case. She evidently puts narrative together with difficulty and
is not at home in it, and is glad to have something ready- made to fill in with.
Another sample:
"Here fame-honored
Hickory rears his bold form,
And bears a brave breast to the lightning and storm,
While Palm, Bay, and Laurel in classical glee,
Chase Tulip, Magnolia, and fragrant Fringe-tree."
Vivid? You can fairly see those trees galloping around. That
she could still treasure up, and print, and manifestly admire those Poems, indicates
that the most daring and masculine and masterful woman that has appeared in
the earth in centuries has the same soft, girly-girly places in her that the
rest of us have.
When it comes to selecting her ancestors she is still human,
natural, vain, commonplace--as commonplace as I am myself when I am sorting
ancestors for my autobiography. She combs out some creditable Scots, and labels
them and sets them aside for use, not overlooking the one to whom Sir William
Wallace gave "a heavy sword encased in a brass scabbard," and naively
explaining which Sir William Wallace it was, lest we get the wrong one by the
hassock; this is the one "from whose patriotism and bravery comes that
heart-stirring air, 'Scots wha hae wi' Wallace bled.'" Hannah More was
related to her ancestors. She explains who Hannah More was.
Whenever a person informs us who Sir William Wallace was, or
who wrote "Hamlet," or where the Declaration of Independence was fought,
it fills us with a suspicion wellnigh amounting to conviction, that that person
would not suspect us of being so empty of knowledge if he wasn't suffering from
the same "claim" himself. Then we turn to page 20 of the Autobiography
and happen upon this passage, and that hasty suspicion stands rebuked:
"I gained book-knowledge with far less labor than is usually
requisite. At ten years of age I was as familiar with Lindley Murray's Grammar
as with the Westminster Catechism; and the latter I had to repeat every Sunday.
My favorite studies were Natural Philosophy, Logic, and Moral Science. From
my brother A1bert I received lessons in the ancient tongues, Hebrew, Greek,
and Latin."
You catch your breath in astonishment, and feel again and still
again the pang of that rebuke. But then your eye falls upon the next sentence
but one, and the pain passes away and you set up the suspicion again with evil
satisfaction:
"After my discovery of Christian Science, most of the knowledge
I had gleaned from school-books vanished like a dream."
That disappearance accounts for much in her miscellaneous writings.
As I was saying, she handles her "ancestral shadows," as she calls
them, just as I do mine. It is remarkable. When she runs across "a relative
of my Grandfather Baker, General Henry Knox, of Revolutionary fame," she
sets him down; when she finds another good one, "the late Sir John Macneill,
in the line of my Grandfather Baker's family," she sets him down, and remembers
that he "was prominent in British politics, and at one time held the position
of ambassador to Persia"; when she discovers that her grandparents "were
likewise connected with Captain John Lovewell, whose gallant leadership and
death in the Indian troubles of 1722-25 caused that prolonged contest to be
known historically as Lovewell's War," she sets the Captain down; when
it turns out that a cousin of her grandmother "was John Macneill, the New
Hampshire general, who fought at Lundy's Lane and won distinction in 1814 at
the battle of Chippewa," she catalogues the General. (And tells where Chippewa
was.) And then she skips all her platform people; never mentions one of them.
It shows that she is just as human as any of us.
Yet, after all, there is something very touching in her pride
in these worthy small-fry, and something large and fine in her modesty in not
caring to remember that their kinship to her can confer no distinction upon
her, whereas her mere mention of their names has conferred upon them a faceless
earthly immortality.
Preface
| Book 1: 1 | 2
| 3 | 4
| 5 | 6
| 7 | 8
| 9 | Book 2: 1
| 2 | 3
| 4 | 5
| 6 | 7
| 8 | 9
| 10 | 11
| 12 | 13
| 14 | 15
| Appendix A | Appendix
B | Appendix C | Appendix
D | Appendix E | Appendix
F | Conclusion