by Peggy Edmund and Harold W. Williams, compilers
AUTOMOBILES
TEACHER—"If a man saves $2 a week, how long will it take him to save a thousand?"
BOY—"He never would, ma'am. After he got $900 he'd buy a car."
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"How fast is your car, Jimpson?" asked Harkaway.
"Well," said Jimpson, "it keeps about six months ahead of my income generally."
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"What is the name of your automobile?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know? What do your folks call it?"
"Oh, as to that, father always says 'The Mortgage'; brother Tom calls it 'The Fake'; mother, 'My Limousine'; sister, 'Our Car'; grandma, 'That Peril'; the chauffeur, 'Some Freak,' and our neighbors, 'The Limit.'"— Life
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"What little boy can tell me the difference between the 'quick' and the 'dead?'" asked the Sunday-school teacher.
Willie waved his hand frantically.
"Well, Willie?"
"Please, ma'am, the 'quick' are the ones that get out of the way of automobiles; the ones that don't are the 'dead.'"
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"Do you have much trouble with your automobile?"
"Trouble! Say, I couldn't have more if I was married to the blamed machine."
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A little "Brush" chugged painfully up to the gate of a race track.
The gate-keeper, demanding the usual fee for automobiles, called:
"A dollar for the car!"
The owner looked up with a pathetic smile of relief and said:
"Sold!"
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Autos rush in where mortgages have dared to tread.
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